Guilty as charged.
I have so much to be thankful for. A happy marriage, healthy kids, a safe home and yet here I was scrolling social media comparing my “successes” to a girl whose story I know nothing about. I was letting my mind beat me up with shoulds, coulds, woulds and thus halting my life entirely because I’m not as good as her, not as fit as she is, not as patient, I’m not doing as much as she is, not as happy, blah blah blah.
Total Waste of Time!!
One of the most dangerous aspects of the comparison trap is that it condenses our lives to merely spectating. We are watching the lives of others rather than living our own. Life is not a spectator sport. It is meant to be lived. Lucky for us, life is not a competitive sport either. We don’t have to sit on the side lines because we aren’t quite as quick as the next guy or because our skill set developed later rather than sooner.
Life is a journey and each unique journey is designed with purpose to be lived, enjoyed and bring value to others. We can’t do this if we are sitting around tallying up the reasons why her life is better than ours.
In less than 5 seconds I can find someone writing better, taking better pictures, with many more social media followers, doing it “better”. And in less than 5 seconds I make a choice – to quit out of “comparison fear” or to celebrate the fact that there is room for both of our unique journeys. The success of a life lived with joy, meaning, passion and challenge is so much more valuable than any standard we develop by comparing ourselves to others.
Comparison is not a trap. One definition of trap is an “unpleasant situation from which it is hard to escape.” Comparison is not a situation. It is a habit that we can “escape” from whenever we choose to.
There is so much we are not in control of. Another persons’ life and choices, for example. However, we are in complete control of our own habits and choices. And in order to make the best habits and choices for our own lives, we must stop comparing.
While we are talking about what we can control…
Here is how I stopped letting comparison steal my joy.
Social Media
Social media is often viewed as a necessary evil and while at times this may feel true, it is important we take a step back and recognize it for what it really is. Guys, social media is simply a tool. Nothing more. Nothing less. It is a tool that allows some to connect with family and friends miles away. For some, it is an opportunity to earn an income. For others, it serves as inspiration. I mean, Hello Pinterest.
Too often, however, we allow it to give life to our insecurities and negative mindsets. We find ourselves spending too much time watching instead of doing. But social media does not hold us captive, we determine what space it holds in our lives.
Take inventory.
The first step is to take inventory. How much time am I spending here? How do I feel after I leave social media? Am I inspired? Frustrated? Does reading his/her post bring joy, encouragement or constructive challenge to my day? What is social media replacing? Sleep? Time with family?
Make the necessary adjustments.
Usually, after answering these questions the actions needed are pretty clear.
For example, I realized after some time away that I wanted to use Facebook to keep up with local events, connect with family and friends and as an outlet for Joyful with Purpose. However, if Facebook was connected to my phone I could get lost scrolling for way too long. So I deleted it. I only use it on my computer which has helped me become more conscious of my time spent there.
I love Instagram but after taking inventory, I realized a few people I followed left me feeling discouraged or annoyed. So, I unfollowed. This does not speak to who they are as a human being or mean they are wrong in some way. This is simply about my response to their account.
I have complete control on how social media is affecting my mood, my days, my life. You do too. Take inventory and adjust accordingly.
Gratitude
How do we counteract comparison? Simply put, with gratitude. Gratitude is the death of comparison. Consistency is key here just like with anything else. Look at gratitude as a skill that can be learned and practiced.
I’ll risk sounding super cheesy here and say to challenge yourself for 30 days to practice gratitude. Take turns at the dinner table speaking what you are grateful for. As you tuck your kids in bed or before you start that movie everyone will fall asleep to, take 5 minutes and say what part of your day you are most thankful for. Buy a notebook and make it a practice to journal 3 things you are grateful for every morning or every night. When comparison rears its ugly head, grab that gratitude journal and remind yourself what you have to be thankful for.
This has made a huge difference for me in taking control of my thoughts and how they play out in my every day life.
Do something
Like I said before, comparison forces us into a state of spectating. So snap out of it and do something. Set one goal and go after it like your life depends on it. While you are chasing that goal, you will forget what “Susan” is doing over there and won’t have time to obsess over how you measure up. The goal itself is not important necessarily, just that it matters to you.
I’m going to leave you with this quote regarding comparison.
“Comparisons make you feel superior or inferior, neither serve a useful purpose.” Jane Travis
I hope reading how I stopped letting comparison steal my joy has been helpful and encouraging to you. And know that I’m over here cheering you on! I hope you rock it today!
I share more about gratitude when you sign up to receive my weekly newsletter. You can do that here!!
Jess
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