Oh how I love the squishy baby stage. It’s all cuddles and giggles. It’s almost cute when they make a mess and endearing how much they need us. Fast forward several years though, the messes and dependence are no longer cute. We become acutely aware of the need for independent and responsible children in order to thrive as a family and maintain any sense of order in our home. And furthermore, we understand that one of our key roles as parents is to prepare this bundle of joy for their future. A future where independence, responsibility, kindness and compassion will serve them well. Likely, this won’t come natural at least not to the extent needed to become a well rounded, successful adult. This won’t come without effort on our part as parents either so it’s crucial for us to learn how to raise responsible kids.
Before I share some tangible ways on how to raise responsible kids, I want to pass along a conversation I consistently have with my own. This is my method for explaining the importance of responsibility and the role it plays in being part of a family.
So here it goes.
Families are like teams. Each with individual players working together for a greater good. The greater good for a sports team is to produce excellence in their players and to win as a team. A business focuses on creating a quality desired outcome for their clients, positive environments/incentives for their employees and profits for shareholders. Your mission statement will be unique and should be specific to your family.
In general, we can say that our goal as families is like a team to produce excellence in each other, to individually grow and develop into who we desire to be while supporting and contributing to the family unit. As our family unit is strengthened so are we as individuals. The same is true in reverse. As we strive to be the best versions of ourselves, our family unit becomes stronger, more loving and a refuge from a sometimes harsh world we live in.
The effort, support and responsibility of each “player” is crucial to the success we have as a family. If one person decides to have a bad attitude or not do their part, it effects the entire family. However, if we all decide to be good team players, to be considerate of the others in our home and do our part then we operate at our highest potential as a family and as individuals.
How does operating at our highest potential as a family look?
In “kid” terms, what does it look like?
When everyone does their chores without asking, we spend less time cleaning. Less time cleaning means more time playing, being together and doing the things we love to do.
When we are considerate of one another, we have less arguments. We play well together, eliminate consequences and have more fun.
A happy home is a home where we grow as individuals. I am able to pursue my passions, my kids have room to dream and my husband is able to give attention to his ambitions. We flourish together.
I ask my kids. Would you like to have more time to play and less cleaning? Would you like to set goals to travel? What can we do as a family to help another family or make our community better? What do we want our family to look like and what do we want to do as a family?
We can achieve all these things together as long as we are being a good team player. And being a good player is being responsible, independent and considerate.
Spoiler alert: They are always on board and answer these questions the “right” way. And then life happens. We get busy. We get tired. Stress enters and we let our guard down. Or maybe everyone is trying their best but our kids don’t quite understand how to be a good team player?
If you’re still with me, let’s take a few practical tips on how to raise responsible kids.
Teach Them About Money
Likely, one of the most forgotten lessons is that of managing money. Whether we have a lot or a little, we have to manage money. And we are doing our kids a major disservice to not set a foundation for a healthy relationship with finances. Through this they also develop a strong understanding of needs vs. wants, delayed gratification, etc.
Giving an allowance or setting specific chores to earn money is a great place to start. I encourage you to take it one step further and open a conversation about the management of the money they earn.
How much do they save? Give? Spend? Are they saving for something specific? How can they track that goal?
At the end of the month, have a budget meeting to evaluate how they think they did (this applies mostly to older kids). Did they do what they said they were going to do at the beginning of the month?
Where are the differences in the two? Was it a good decision? For example, giving more because of a specific need versus spending more on a video game.
A great resource for teaching this is the Green light card. It is a debit card that is controlled by parents. You are able to set up savings accounts that accrue “parent interest”, limits on how much can be spent, savings goals, etc. You can swipe to pay like any other debit card and it will decline like any other card if the funds are not available.
My kids love them as you can see below. You can learn more about this here.
If your kids are a little young for this, you can still follow a similar concept with a simple piggy bank and journal.
Give them chores without pay
As mentioned above, it is important for kids to have the opportunity to earn and accrue money. However, just as important is contributing to the home you live in without pay. When was the last time you were paid for unloading the dishwasher?
The quickest way to raise an entitled child is to void them of any responsibility. Working in your home is a privilege not a punishment. Chores without pay is simply being part of the team. And doing your part is being an active member of this family.
I’m constantly changing the chore list but usually this involves the simple day to day chores that are necessary to maintain your home. Things like making beds, unloading the dishwasher, feeding our dog, picking up toys, folding and putting away their laundry, taking out the trash, etc.
Let them see you be positive about work
I think this is one of the more important ways that we can raise responsible kids. Our posture regarding work is setting the foundation for their work ethic. The goal in life is not to avoid or escape work. Ideally, our vocation is something we enjoy but even in the times it is just a “means to an end”, we can be thankful we are serving that purpose.
Let your kids see you be happy to take care of a home you love. Give them the opportunity to hear what you enjoy about your work or that you are thankful to have a job. Let them see you smile as you go to work.
Working is good. It is productive. It is healthy. Just like anything in life, there will be times we love it and times we hate it. Position yourself to change the things in your control and find something in your work to enjoy. This is what I want my kids to see and learn about work.
There are times I have loved being at home with my kids and times I longed for work outside the home. When working in accounting, there were times I enjoyed the challenge and times I wished for something more creative. Even if the circumstances are not ideal or you are looking for a change, the act of working is still positive. My goal is to make sure this concept is portrayed to my kids.
Present them with giving opportunities
Another great way to learn responsibility is to understand that life is about so much more than just you. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Something I say on repeat, “It’s not all about you kiddo”.
The best way to learn this in my opinion is through giving. Presenting them with opportunities to see the needs of others gives them a chance to look outside themselves.
Plus, what good is responsibility, independence and a hard work ethic if the benefits are all directed inward? Right?
Parenting is such a life changing journey because there is so much to consider. It feels as if our own hearts are walking around outside our bodies. We have to consider their health, safety, happiness, overall well-being while at the same time wanting to prepare them to be kind, compassionate, independent adults who can impact this world for the better.
I hope this conversation has spurred some ideas on how to raise responsible kids. I hope it makes you excited to watch your kids grow to become the person they are meant to be. My desire is that you feel energized and eager to be the parent you hope to be and to create an environment where your kids develop into the best versions of themselves.
You are a rockstar parent!! I’m thankful to be raising kids amongst a generation of parents that are concerned yet joyful, putting in the effort, kind and loving. There is still so much good in the world. And you most definitely are a part of that good!
I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas on raising responsible kids. Join the conversation below.
Jess
Amy says
What an awesome way to teach kids real responsibly- and so clever using a debit card!!
Jessica Winkler says
Thanks! This debit card is a really neat way to teach about money. Kids think they are big stuff. 🙂
Melanie says
Great post, Jess! This is something I’m trying to do more of now that my first two kids are older. Thanks for the great, practical advice.
Jessica Winkler says
Thank you!